Requiem of a Lonely Heart
by Langus
Summary: For ten years he’d been everywhere and nowhere, to Hell and back and everything in-between. After she left he'd done his best to forget - about her, them, all of it. He nearly succeeded, until a chance meeting threw him right back into the thick of it.
1. Vibrant Sunset Meets Stormy Indigo Skies

_Requiem of a Lonely Heart:_

_Vibrant Sunset Meets Stormy Indigo Skies_

-

He'd heard a saying once, "A wise man does not lose his way, a brave man does not fear." In the ten years that had passed since she left he'd somehow managed to do both.

The lush leaves of summer trees whipped by him in a vibrant green blur as he darted through their branches. He moved forward, always forward, without purpose or direction. He ran to escape his past and his own weakness, but more importantly, to escape her.

She'd disappeared down the Bone Eater's Well one vibrant morning nearly ten years ago and in that moment was ripped out of his life forever. The jewel that'd been her link between worlds had disappeared as well, destroyed by the purity of her wish for peace.

He snorted as his foot pushed off yet another tree branch. _Peace..._ She'd never know that her stupid wish came true. Everywhere he travelled there was harmony and tranquility, except within his own heart. He felt only bitterness, raw and unforgiving, at the fates for allowing such a thing to happen to him. He'd dedicated nearly ten years of his life to searching for jewel shards and protecting the weak only to gain absolutely nothing in return.

Unable to watch those around him settle into their happy lives, he'd left them to become a wanderer, nothing more than a lonely soul searching for the one thing he could never have.

It'd been ten years since that time and thoughts of her still cropped up on occasion. Her smile haunted his dreams from time to time and scents familiar to hers sometimes appeared to twist a painful knot round his heart. Little by little though, his memories of her were beginning to fade.

It'd taken almost a decade of self-induced isolation, lost in the wilderness without a single companion, lover, or friend, for him to learn how to shut out the feelings of longing that'd once tortured his soul. He was a different man now than he'd been then; older, wiser and colder. He'd come to accept his existence as a rootless wanderer in the hopes that some day he'd find the redemption he so desperately sought, or perhaps the merciful death he longed for.

This day was like all the others, seasonably warm and pleasant, but he took no notice of the brilliant sunshine or the heavy perfume of flowers on the air. These things were inconsequential and irrelevant. For a wanderer like himself there was no time to stop and enjoy their beauty while his feet and his heart were miles ahead.

He kicked off another sturdy bow and sailed through the branches of the next tree. When his feet set down they inexplicably stood still, refusing to move forward.

_I know this scent..._

Bracing his palm against the rough bark of the tree's trunk, he tilted his nose slightly into the air and pulled in a tentative sniff. It was familiar and yet so abstract that he couldn't place its owner. With a scowl he set off through a few more trees before dropping from the rich foliage to the ground.

Crouched low among the long grasses he watched her in silence. She was bent over mid-way through a small patch of wildflowers. Her kimono looked as though it was made of the richest silk and it glimmered in the spots of sunlight that crept through the thick, leafy canopy overhead. It was snow white, accented by a pattern of lilacs that trailed up her side and down the length of her sleeve. In one hand she held a small bouquet of wildflowers, their milieu of colours a vibrant rainbow, and in the other was a large indigo flower freshly plucked from the earth.

Sensing his presence she turned towards him and her dark eyes widen with surprise to see him there. His mouth twitched as he suppressed a growl and his feet tingled with the desire to leap into the tree he'd landed under and keep running, but her voice held him at bay.

"Inuyasha? Is that you?" Ever so slowly her hands slipped to her sides, the wildflowers forgotten.

He stared at her, his gaze hard and tumultuous. Why did he know this scent? And why did this girl seem strangely familiar? And why was she staring at him like that anyway - as if she knew him so well? He didn't like it, not one bit. His mind told him to run but his feet refused to move, too stubborn to listen to reason.

The ground beneath them trembled as a large two-headed demon sauntered into the clearing, snorting and groaning curiously. Both heads glanced his way and his eyes narrowed in preparation to strike if need be. The girl didn't seem the least bit concerned by the massive beast standing behind her, a realization which made him pause. Then slowly, ever so slowly, the fog of ignorance began to fade. A girl and a two-headed demon - he'd seen them before, in another lifetime.

Standing up slowly, he looked with new eyes upon the girl who'd only seemed vaguely familiar before. The wind tousled her unruly hair about her shoulders and she blinked patiently, waiting for him to make the next move. His brow furrowed as his hand slipped over the hilt of Tetsusaiga at his hip.

"Where's Sesshomaru?" he demanded in a biting tone.

She flinched ever so slightly but there was no fear on her scent, only curiosity laced with surprise.

"Not here," she replied gently, in the kind of voice one would use to soothe a wild beast.

He snorted derisively and let his blade click back into its sheath. It'd been nearly a decade since he'd seen the bastard too. He was surprised to discover that apparently the ningen child that'd tagged along at his heels continued to do so. She wasn't a child any longer though, a fact made fairly obvious by her tall, slender form and the womanly curves accentuated by the wrappings of her kimono. It was easy to forget sometimes that humans aged far quicker than those with demon blood coursing through their veins.

"It has been many years since we last saw you," she observed in that same quiet voice she'd used before.

He glowered at her, not liking the glimmer of pity he saw in her eyes. They spoke volumes to him with their sympathy. So she knew Kagome was gone too. To him the knowledge was little comfort. He hated the way she stood there with such a pathetic look on her face, like she had the right to feel sorry for him, like she knew him at all.

"Where've you been all this time?"

She cautiously stooped to pick another flower and glanced up expectantly at him, waiting for an answer. The flower had vibrant orange coloured petals, the hue of a sunset. It contrasted perfectly with the indigo one she'd chosen earlier. He brooded over her question, disliking the fact that he'd only been there a minute and she was already prying.

For ten years he'd been everywhere and nowhere, to Hell and back and everything in-between. There was no easy answer to her question and he had no interest in providing one, but found that his lips and tongue moved anyway. It'd been so long since he'd talked to another soul, or been this close to anyone remotely familiar to his past self that he couldn't help but respond.

"Wandering."

She seemed to accept this answer with a subtle nod and bent to pick another flower, this one pure white like her kimono or the freshly fallen snow. His eyes followed her hand as she delicately slipped it into her small bouquet. Her movements were graceful and elegant, fluid like water and just as calming. For a moment he was content to watch her, just as she was content to be watched.

"You must be tired," she offered as she bent to pick another flower and he shrugged indifferently.

His heart may have been tired, pushed well past the point of exhaustion, but his feet demanded that he move on. She was too familiar and reminded him of how things used to be and what could have been. He hadn't the stomach for such memories. By the time she righted herself he was gone. From the safety of the tree's highest branches he watched her stare after the spot where he'd been. A confused frown knit her eyebrows but her concern was quickly dismissed with a hapless shrug.

He remained long enough to watch her turn to the two-headed beast and tenderly stroke its noses before he was once again racing through the trees, his body moving ever faster, rushing ever forward. Seeing that girl had unnerved him. He despised the fact that she'd been able to shake his resolve with such simple questions, enough to make him doubt himself and his quest to forget the past.

Talking with her had made him feel like less of a beast and more of a man, even if it was only for a short while. There'd been no fear in her gaze, no hesitation or confusion, only curiosity and that touch of pity he so despised. She was an interesting character that Rin, but curiosity wasn't enough to slow his pace. And so he ran, hard, fast and long until his feet refused to go on and his legs buckled and collapsed beneath him.

Only then was there just enough distance between them.

* * *

_Author's Note:_ In honour of this week's manga chapter I thought I'd post up the first chapter of this little diddy I've been working on.

In my fic "Sword of Supreme Conquest" I paired Inuyasha and Rin together on a whim and, much to my surprise, it really seemed to work. So here is my attempt at an Inuyasha & Rin fic.

This first chapter is intentionally short. The next one should be posted within a few days as I'm just putting the finishing touches on it. In the meantime, I'd appreciate any and all feedback you feel like sending my way.

Until next time...

Langus


	2. Speak to Me of Broken Dreams

_Chapter Two_

_Speak to Me of Broken Dreams and a Heart That Is Filled With Longing_

_-_

The early morning air burned his lungs as the cold rushed in, one breath after another. Above his head the stars were slowly fading from the heavens and beneath his feet the long grasses bathed his soles in fresh dew. He'd awoken from a restless slumber when the moon was still high in the sky and had been awake ever since.

He'd dreamed of her again, that girl from before. His mind, normally so focused on feeling nothing but anger and bitterness, had taken to wandering. Errant memories of a dirty-faced child, barely tall enough to reach his brother's knees, had begun to crop up unbidden during his daily travels. It was unsettling to discover that she haunted his dreams now too.

Tonight she'd been in the flower patch, dressed in white and bathed in the cool blue light of a full moon. He'd watched her for a long time marveling at her grace and the ethereal quality of her beauty as she moved about picking flowers. Eventually he'd approached her and, without hesitation, raked his claws across her body, flaying her from shoulder to hip. He could vividly remember watching the blood pour from her open wounds, following the path of the crimson stain that spread across the pristine silk of her kimono. She'd crumpled instantly to his feet, a look of surprise etched across her features, and he couldn't help but notice that even in death she fell gracefully. Like the monster that he was, he'd thrown his head back and howled at the moon.

What else could he be but a monster when the beast within him felt nothing but pure, unadulterated joy at the thought of destroying something so pure and innocent? That haunting truth was what'd shaken him awake mere hours earlier, while the moon was still high. His body had been bathed in a cold night sweat, his clothes drenched with it, and his lungs burned from panting. It took more than a few minutes of examining his trembling hands in the moonlight and tentatively bringing them to his nose before he could accept that it'd been nothing more than a nightmare. It'd only been a dream, but the images that kept drifting back were unsettling to say the least and he knew, without a doubt, that sleep would not claim him again that night.

Not knowing what else to do, he ran to clear his mind and exhaust his body so it didn't have the energy to dwell on such things. He ran until his legs buckled and his hands shook but despite his best efforts he couldn't put her out of his mind. She represented something he wanted and had been wrongfully denied. She was the only link he had left to his past self and the life he'd worked so hard to put behind him. Something told him that she possessed the key to unlocking the answers he'd sought these many years. He didn't see how it was possible, but the curiosity was almost too much to bear.

A tiny voice that'd grown all too familiar over the past few days chose that moment to disturb his quiet brooding. It'd started as a quiet, barely audible whisper; a tentative notion from somewhere deep inside. _Go back! _it said, and as the days drew on it grew ever louder. His feet refused to listen at first. Stubbornly they moved forward - ever forward - because his heart was too fragile to go back. Ahead lay isolation and an all encompassing nothingness that he found tolerable if not a little comforting. Behind were memories and feelings he couldn't reconcile and things that were hauntingly familiar; like the touch of a warm hand, a friendly embrace, or the sound of laughter. The past, the day before, that last step, they all felt too heavy; overwhelmed by the weight of the burden he carried on his shoulders.

For a decade his heart had lain dormant. It'd operated in quiet agreement with his internal logic which stated that to forget was the best way, the easiest way, to move on. It was silent no longer though. That girl… With her appearance something inside of him had shifted ever so slightly. For a moment, in that flower patch, he'd remembered what it felt like to smile and be surrounded by people who cared about him. He remembered all the things _she'd_ taught him about life - love and companionship; all the lessons he'd tried so hard to push out of his mind after she'd left. For an instant he'd remembered the way trust was so incredibly liberating and that love had the power to make his strength grow exponentially. He remembered too what it felt like to hold another person in his arms and feel their embrace, unfettered by fear or hesitation. His heart now longed for those days and out of desperation its demands to return to her and that place grew steadily louder with each passing day. _Go back_, it said, _Go back! _but he muffled its pleas with vile curses and the pounding rush of the blood pumping through his veins.

He wasn't ready. He hadn't been strong enough then, and he was far from it now. Going back would mean change. He wasn't prepared for change. He hated change for everything it was worth. Going back meant acceptance. He wasn't ready for that either. _Her_ face, the very same one he was slowly starting to forget, still haunted him at night. In his dreams she placed delicate, apologetic kisses along his cheeks, across his eyelids and down his neck. In the dark of night she whispered heartfelt endearments into his ears and he reciprocated, saying all the words he should've said before she left. Going back meant pretending to be something more than what he was, and what was he now but a monster?

This was how his mind worked. There was always a reason, always an excuse for why he couldn't return. _It's not time_. It was never the right time. Eager to feel something beyond the dual poisons of hatred and bitterness, his heart was persistent in its demands that he return to that flower patch in the woods. Ever so subtly, so subtle that he didn't take notice until it was already too late, his body moved for him. It guided his feet from dew-covered grasses to scorching sands to rocky crags, until they finally touched the rolling plains of his homeland.

The familiar landmarks and scents embraced him, but they were not enough to make his feet stop. He pressed forward until he felt the cool, muted touch of the forest floor and the dried crackle of the previous fall's slough of leaves underfoot. As he drew closer to that place his feet slowed. For the first time he noticed how the perfume of the flowers grew heavy and thick in the spots where the sun beat down through the leafy canopy. He wrinkled his nose and snorted lightly. The scents were so strong - how had he not noticed them before?

It wasn't long before he reached his destination. Silent as a predator, he stood half-hidden behind a tree and watched her just as he'd done before. Lost to her thoughts she picked flowers methodically, taking time to examine and smell each one before adding it to her collection. Watching her soothed his soul like the touch of a warm summer rain and for a while he was content to do nothing but bask in the sensation.

This time she wore lavender. The silk kimono wrapped around her body in a simple design yet it seemed wholly elegant on her. There was something about her that captivated him. He couldn't explain it, but he thought perhaps he understood now why his brother had been drawn to such a being.

_Light… _

Her presence radiated like a gentle light, a beacon through the endless dark. Innocence, simplicity, and elegance somehow amalgamated to form her. As a mere child she'd taught such a vile, heartless and selfish creature as Sesshomaru how to love and feel compassion. It was a feat he'd once thought impossible but she'd proven him wrong. What gave her the power to achieve such impossible things? She'd saved Sesshomaru from himself. Maybe she could save him too? He didn't dare to hope so high.

Sensing his presence, she stood tall and glanced his way with a look of surprise. "Oh, it's you."

Her voice drifted over to him, quiet like before but laced with an underlying confidence. She wasn't afraid like he'd expected her to be. Silence answered her but she didn't seem to mind. She held his gaze across the patch of wildflowers that acted like a buffer between them and smiled. It was a genuine smile, not fake or forced in any way. It was the first smile directed his way since the last, which had been given by _her_ just before she'd disappeared down the well.

He didn't know how to respond. His entire chest tightened with some long forgotten emotion and he found his body paralyzed, too stunned to do anything more than remain standing upright. Inside the walls of his chest, his heart hammered hard and fast. For a moment his lungs, so often burning with the rush of the wind, refused to draw breath.

"It's a beautiful day," she mused, sounding somewhat wistful. Her dark eyes slowly lowered to meet his and she studied him with open curiosity. "I didn't expect to see you again."

His eyes narrowed and his ears searched her words for any sign of condescension or judgment, but there was none. It was nothing more than a simple observation, a revelation which surprised him more than he was prepared for. Hiding his confusion behind a scowl, he tore his gaze from hers and stared off into the trees with his arms crossed over his chest.

Wordlessly she carried the small collection of tangerine and sunshine hued flowers she'd amassed to where her two-headed companion was blissfully devouring a patch of grass. She deposited the bundle in one of the saddlebags and retrieved a slender container and a small, cloth-wrapped package from the other. With a pointed nod at the no man's land between them, she took a step towards him.

"Are you hungry? I brought enough to share," she offered before lowering herself to sit atop a downed tree. From large cracks gouged into the rotting bark one could see exactly where the lightning had scorched the interior and rendered the limb in two. She set the container down next to her on the ground and untied the cloth bundle on her lap.

The scent of fresh rice and cured meat wafted instantly to his nose and his stomach grumbled disobediently in response. He watched her select a rice ball and a slice of meat for herself, then lay out what remained of the meal next to her. Too proud to accept the offer, he snorted derisively and glanced away, all the while doing his best to ignore the rumbling of his gut and the profuse watering of his mouth.

In truth, he was terrified. It was all he could do just to keep his hands from shaking. Already the memories were beginning to flood in and he couldn't bury them fast enough. A group of friends, a homemade meal of ninja food, laughter, teasing and a radiant smile… He'd forgotten about such things.

Sitting next to her and talking over a shared lunch seemed so ludicrous. Human interaction had never been high on his list of priorities and neither was a trip down Memory Lane, but he couldn't deny his curiosity. There was a certain temptation to her offer. How much had the world changed in his absence? Did it remain the same, static since the moment she'd left, or was everything he'd once known now foreign? She had the answers he sought; all he had to do was take that first step.

Before he could deliberate over it any longer, hunger won out and he found himself seated next to her with the make-shift lunch resting on his lap. She'd already finished her portion and was occupied with unhurriedly stretching her arms high above her head. Letting out a satisfied sigh, she shook the tension out of her shoulders and relaxed against the wood.

"You're much quieter than you used to be," she observed with a small smile.

He furrowed his brow and grunted. He kept his mouth busy chewing away at the cured meat so he wouldn't have to answer any of her questions. The flavour of the salty pork exploded across his tongue with every bite and he was ashamed to find himself sucking at it greedily. It'd been a long time since he'd eaten food prepared by human hands. He'd completely forgotten how delicious it could be.

Unbothered by his lack of social graces, Rin nodded to herself and placed a thoughtful finger next to her mouth.

"It's a bit surprising really. You used to like to shout at Sesshomaru-sama a lot." An amused expression crept across her face as vivid memories from her childhood spent at the taiyoukai's side played over in her mind.

Inuyasha regarded her sceptically and tactlessly shoved the remaining half of his rice ball into his mouth. He offered a simple shrug of his shoulder in response. It was curious to hear the way she spoke of him. It made him wonder just how much she could possibly remember about his old self. She'd been nothing more than a child in those days. For someone he'd only met a handful of times she seemed to have a very decided opinion of who he'd once been.

Bored, she kicked her legs out and swung them aimlessly in front of her. With her head tilted to the side she studied the wooden geta strapped to her feet and tapped them together. "Will you tell me where you've been all these years? Did you go to the continent? I've always wondered what it would be like there."

She looked at him expectantly, with her palms pressed against her knees, and he felt his head shake 'no'. He almost wished he _could _indulge her with tales of travels to the continent. It would be a hell of a lot more exciting, and a great deal less pathetic, than the truth. The truth was much less impressive. With a scoff he brushed the imaginary crumbs from his lap just as he brushed off her question and pointedly turned his attention to the forest.

"I told you before," he muttered, sounding impatient, "wandering."

"Why?"

He opened his mouth to retort with some crass comment about minding her own fucking business, but as her question turned over in his mind he paused. No one had ever asked him why - he hadn't given anyone the chance to. Once she left so had he, and now that his feet had finally stopped moving he couldn't remember why they'd started.

"I… I was searching…"

Perhaps all this time that was what he'd been doing - searching for answers, searching for her. There had to be a reason why such a thing had happened to him, but if one existed, he had yet to find it. He'd looked all over Japan for some other well that could bring him to her only to end up bruise-kneed and empty handed. He'd searched high and low for an easy fix to the pain he felt at her loss too only to find that nothing could lessen it.

"It must be hard," she prodded gently, "to search for someone for so long and not find them."

He quelled an inward sigh and relaxed his posture somewhat. He was simply too defeated to fight. Besides, the sound of her voice was soothing and it was nice to have the opportunity to converse again. He grew so tired of listening to his own thoughts sometimes.

Mumbling a rough "yeah", he bent forward and rested his forearms across his thighs. His hands hung loose in the space between his knees and a waterfall of silver hair hid his tired expression from view. Overhead, the wind rustled through the dense branches of the trees and all around he could hear the harmonious symphony of various twittering birds. There was a sense of tranquility that emanated from this place. Here, his heart felt lighter and his conscience less troubled. The longer he stayed the more obscene the thought of leaving became.

"Do you think you'll ever stop? Wandering I mean..."

Her eyebrows lifted expectantly, but he could do nothing more than shrug in response. How was he supposed to answer that kind of question? And damn her for prodding anyway. His expression darkened beneath the curtain of hair that shielded his eyes from the world. He hated when people tried to pry into his thoughts. He felt himself growing angry at her questions but more so with himself for allowing her to ask them. Who gave her permission to go digging around inside his heart anyway?

He was so busy dwelling on her questions and allowing his anger and resentment to grow and fester that he hardly noticed her absence. When he looked up she was standing with her back to him a few feet away, calmly gazing out towards the meadow. Feeling his gaze on her she cast an easy smile over her shoulder.

"You know," she commented lightly, reluctantly turning away from the view, "I can tell you where to find her."

He slowly rose to his feet and moved toward her. He'd promised himself that he wouldn't let her in, but how could he resist when she was offering to give him what he'd so eagerly sought. His feet drew to a halt a pace away from where she was standing and she looked eagerly up into his face. His expression was dark and wary but it did nothing to diminish the radiance of her smile or the honest glimmer in her eyes.

"Where?" he breathed, unable to tear his gaze from her welcoming expression.

The sudden gentle pressure of her palm against his chest surprised him and he gazed down at her hand stupefied.

"Here," she whispered. Seeing the confused furrow of his brow, she elaborated with a gentle smile. "As long as you keep her alive in here," she emphasized with a single pat overtop his heart, "you'll never have to look far to find her."

It took a moment for his mind to process her soft spoken words and once they registered he couldn't hide his disgust. "What kind of bullshit answer is that," he spat out and swatted her hand away. "You think I would've spent the last ten years like _this_ if it was that fucking easy?"

He felt guilty when his harsh words banished her smile and replaced it with a look of hurt confusion. She'd only been trying to help in her own way, but the last thing he needed or wanted was a friend. She hadn't deserved his wrath, not really, but he wasn't going to apologize either. The once tranquil forest suddenly felt suffocating from every angle and he couldn't get out fast enough. Leaving the girl behind with no word of a 'good bye', he made his way through the trees towards freedom.

-

_Author's Note: _Welcome to chapter two revised! If you happened to read the first version I'm sure you will have noticed by now that this second version is _completely _different. I'm much happier with this one. I think it flows a lot better and sets the stage for me to take this story where I want it to go. These first two chapters have been a bit angsty, but that will change. (Rin has that effect on people - just look at Sesshomaru!)

If you have the time, I'd really appreciate it if you could leave a review. Many thanks to you for reading this far.

Until next time,

Langus


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